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#61 jdcogswell

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Posted 29 May 2008 - 03:59 AM

well, that would be a start, just be carefull not to hit any metal parts (maybe cyborg implants :lool: )

HA!

metal parts, moving parts, bendy parts...WHOO-HOO. :lol:

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...
>
> (If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.)
>
>
> The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I
> told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well,
> the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
>
> Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the
> door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three
> times.
>
> Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
> another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with
> such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict
> with him. (Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine
> cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos--MIDNIGHT!)
>
> The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
> 'MIDNIGHT.' He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away
> with that one!
>
> Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
>
> When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
> three times, then said, 'oh, shit.' Cuckooed four more times, cleared
> its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice
> more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted. Now that is funny..... :lool:



;)
LSHISMP
FEEL THE NET, AND YOU WILL BE REWARDED.

#62 Littlem129

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Posted 12 June 2008 - 08:34 AM

Barbie


One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie For $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".The amazed father asks: "It's what? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir.Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a cute little key chain made with Ken's testicles.

Edited by Littlem129, 12 June 2008 - 08:41 AM.

You only live once, enjoy life and make the most of it!

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#63 Sjoeii

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Posted 12 June 2008 - 09:02 AM

hahahahaha
http://twitter.com/kaspersky_club

#64 Lagerx

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Posted 12 June 2008 - 07:39 PM

Professor researches flea in the lab. He took off one leg from flea and said: Jump!
Flea jumped.
Professor took one more leg off and said again: Jump!
Flea did it.
Experiment continued. At at last professor took of 3th leg and said: Jump!
Flea did not jump.
Scientist bite out something to his shave and wrote to his notebook:
"After last leg, the flea lost his hearing."

#65 richbuff

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Posted 13 June 2008 - 04:37 AM

Welcome to the Fan Club forum, Lagerx!

Testimonial received: Ever since we purchased the Acme flea collar, there are no more fleas on Baxter... . . . or on the dog!

This post may contain previously unpublished synthesis of published material that conveys ideas not attributable to the original sources.


#66 golfbear

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Posted 13 June 2008 - 05:26 AM

hahahha

my favorite part in this forum :fool:

#67 Ross Sethji

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Posted 16 June 2008 - 09:11 PM

Love v/s Exams --

Love : One of the Hardest thing coz we have thoughts that we can't Express....
Exam : Even Harder coz we don't have Thoughts still we have to Express....

» Compaq Presario SR1030IL
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---------------------
» N6630
KAV Mobile 6.0.80

#68 golfbear

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Posted 17 June 2008 - 10:15 AM

hahhaha that is truth. ;)

#69 Littlem129

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Posted 29 June 2008 - 09:15 AM

Fred...


Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.
The family called their pastor to stand with them.

As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to
deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used
his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.

The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he
placed it in his jacket pocket.

Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing the
eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was
wearing when Fred had died.

He said, "you know, ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I
haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read aloud, "you're standing on my oxygen tube
moron!"

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#70 golfbear

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Posted 30 June 2008 - 07:32 AM

old enough....................littlem129, :nea:

#71 Littlem129

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Posted 30 June 2008 - 07:44 AM

old enough....................littlem129, :nea:


For what? :yes:

You only live once, enjoy life and make the most of it!

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#72 golfbear

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Posted 01 July 2008 - 08:18 AM

for the joke of Fred, I heard it several years ago, Nevermind, hohoo.

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...

IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.

IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!



Hi Littlem

if my words make you uncomfortable, I am sorry, keep going for more joke and humor, BR. :nea:

the proof of the global warming
[url="http://img3.pcpop.com/upimg3/2008/6/27/0005527946.jpg"%5dhttp://img3.pcpop.com/upimg3/2008/6/27/0005527946.jpg"]http://img3.pcpop.com/upimg3/2008/6/27/000.../0005527946.jpg[/url]

Edited by golfbear, 01 July 2008 - 08:19 AM.


#73 Littlem129

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Posted 01 July 2008 - 09:29 AM

for the joke of Fred, I heard it several years ago, Nevermind, hohoo.

Hi Littlem

if my words make you uncomfortable, I am sorry, keep going for more joke and humor, BR. :nea:


Golfbear,

You didn't make me uncomfortable, I understand what you meant now.

Yes I am old enough, I just hadn't heard the joke "Fred" before. :yes:

You only live once, enjoy life and make the most of it!

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#74 Shinigami

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Posted 12 July 2008 - 07:32 AM

BILL GATES AND GENERAL MOTORS?


A GOOD QUESTIONS. . .

At a expo (COMDEX) Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon"

My professor has this up on the wall in my research group :angry:

#75 AHS0

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Posted 14 July 2008 - 08:04 PM

You may have heard about the "Bill Gates Goes to College" video starring Bill and Napoleon Dynamite. It was shown at the Professional Developers Conference in Los Angeles in September and parts of it are pretty funny. You can view it at Paul Thurrott's SuperSite (scroll down to "Video Content").