25 Reasons Why We Ought to Appreciate our Moms
1. They taught us to appreciate a job well done.
("If you two are going to kill each other, then do it outside. I just finished cleaning in here!")
2. They taught us religion.
("You'd better pray that comes out of the carpet!")
3. They taught us about time travel.
("If you don't straighten up, I'm gonna knock you into next week!")
4. They taught us logic.
("Because I said so, that's why!")
5. They taught us more logic.
("If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!")
6. They taught of foresight.
("Make sure you wear clean underwear, in cause you're in an accident.")
7. They taught us irony.
("Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about!)
8. They taught us about the science of osmosis.
("Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.")
9. They taught us about contorionism.
("Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck?")
10. They taught us stamina.
("You'll sit there until the brussel sprouts are gone!")
11. They taught us about the weather.
("This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it!")
12. They taught us about hypocrisy.
("If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!")
13. They taught us about the circle of life.
("I brought you into this world and I can take you out!")
14. They taught us about behavior modification.
("Stop acting like your father!")
15. They taught us about envy.
("There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!")
16. They taught us about anticipation.
("Just wait until we get home!")
17. They taught us about receiving.
("You are going to GET IT when we get home!")
18. They taught us about medical science.
("If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they will freeze like that!")
19. They taught us about ESP.
("Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?")
20. They taught us about humor.
("When that lawn mower cuts off you toes, don't come running to me!")
21. They taught us about now to become an adult.
("If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!")
22. They taught us about genetics.
("You're just like your mother!")
23. They taught us about our roots.
("Shut that door. Do you think you were born in a barn?")
24. They taught us wisdom.
("When you get my age, you'll understand.")
25. They taught us justice.
("One day, you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!")
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, whose not a creep,
One whose handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend. Amen
Marine on a train
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am,may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
"Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
Edited by ultima weapon, 13 March 2008 - 09:18 AM.